The Freshman Experiment

Music: Broken Social Scene - Lover’s Spit

I went with my gut instinct and broke things off with Wishy tonight. It was an impulsive decision so I was afraid that after I hung up the phone I’d immediately regret what I said, but all I feel is relief. Our “relationship” was reduced to the physical aspect and that’s it. Sometimes I’d leave his room feeling like a booty call instead of the girl he claimed he really liked and respected. Surprisingly he seemed hesitant to agree with anything I was saying, leaving me to again accuse him of his actions being so contradictory to his words. (He says he likes me but then he won’t make any effort to see me.)

Whether or not I’m ready for a relationship is still up in the air but I’m certain that Wishy is not the person I’d want to test my feelings on. I think after a day or two he’ll understand that things weren’t going smoothly and operating in the Gray Area wasn’t healthy for either of us. The only thing I do feel guilty about is that I won’t want to be his friend for awhile because after our minor break up in the beginning of winter session he insisted that we should continue hanging out platonically. He said I was his closest friend here and I believe that. I have never seen him quit the goofball act in front of anyone else but me and he always mentioned how his “friends” at LAC barely know anything about him. I don’t want him to lose that but at the same time I want to put myself first.

We did have fun together and he made me realize that I’m no longer afraid of opening up to another person. Now if that Mr. Someone would come along I’d be set.