The Freshman Experiment

Music: The Cure – A Letter to Elise

The expression I’m packing up my life is really misleading when you think about it because, in reality, all of the things that make up our lives cannot be shoved down into suitcases. Sure, I’ve been folding clothes and gathering up my toiletries and meticulously rolling up posters for the past four days, but to claim that all of this makes up my life seems really inane.

I guess this leads to me to the question of where is my life and how do I get it into my luggage? The sad truth is that everything I wish to bring with me isn’t tangible. If I could gently pick up the tiny moments Spaz and I had over this summer and put it in my duffel bag I would. In the three months we were home, we’ve grown incredibly close to each other and she’s one of the few high school friends I believe will be in my life years from now.

I wish there was a way to catch the sound of my baby niece’s laugh and place it inside a storage bin to take with me. She has only been in our lives for two years but the love I have for her is incredible and infinite, and she’s done nothing except exist and explore the world right in front of me. I also wish I could wrap up the feel of Mamajay’s hand on my back when she comforts me because I’m sure I’ll need that touch at some point this year and it’ll kill me to know that it’s over five hours away.

There are so many other experiences, moments, and sensations that I hopelessly want to bottle up but can’t. I felt this exact urge in May when I finished the year and wondered how I could take TK and the DeniseGirls home with me. I feel like I’m not packing up my life, rather I’m packing to go back to life, another life. College and home are the only places where I’ve created bundles of memories that nurse and cradle me when I’m there. Anywhere else I feel empty and unsheathed.