The Freshman Experiment

Music: None

This isn’t going to be the best final post only because I haven’t been feeling that great past week. I’ve been patiently waiting to feel settled in but it hasn’t happened yet. I miss my freshman dorm and the family that was created last year, and something is missing right now. Ever since the summer I feel like my whole world has been jolted and shaken up. Home didn’t feel like home and I was hoping that LAC would. I just cannot get used to this new room and not seeing the faces I did last year. TK lives on the other side of campus and the DeniseGirls have all jumped back into their lives here without any trouble.

Yesterday I talked to Wishy on the phone for a little while. I think he’s really happy that he transferred and after a few minutes I grew jealous of his position. In a sense, he’s having his freshman year over again, except he’s experiencing it in the city and not the secluded bubble that can be LAC. He’s gets to meet so many different people every day, but it can be a struggle to find new and interesting company here. It’s not that I’ve settled for my friends because they are amazing, it just took lots of time and effort to find those people. I think it’s good that FreshX is closing because the tone of this blog and my new blog will certainly be different. I’m not exactly as happy here as I was last year and I can’t put my finger on why.

Yesterday I also ended things with Sebastian. Well, it was mutual, I think. It wasn’t as electric and fun between us, and my heart wasn’t in it. Granted, we’ve only been back a week but I felt an emptiness the moment after we saw each other for the first time. Boys have never been on my radar but they aren’t even in my visual field now. I want to be alone, not necessarily lonely, but by myself.

Well, it’s time to put a face to this blog. I just wish it were a happier one.

My name is Carla and I’m 19 years old. I go to college in New England.

I am so grateful to Kait and Brian for allowing me to document my first year at college. When I look at the older posts I cringe and laugh and wonder what the hell was I thinking? Mostly though as I page through the entries I’m hit with an urge to just go back and relive it all.

I know I said I’d be writing at my new blog but considering how I’m feeling right now I think I need to take a little break from online journaling. I need that feeling of “home” to sink in again before I can write, so I’ll hold off on announcing the new URL. Sometime in the near future I’ll ask Kait or Brian to tell you guys that I’m blogging again, but until then I’m gonna wait for this feeling of disorientation to fall away.