a living musical
living musical ['liv[ng] 'myü-zi-k&l]
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It’s 3am, and try as a might to fall asleep, I can’t because there is some sort of yelping cat or rabbit outside my window.
Sometimes I hate wildlife.
P.S. Since when do cats and rabbits yelp?
P.P.S Can cats or rabbits really be considered wildlife? Because I’m doing it.
I’m going to be honest with you, folks. Home is… boring. I’ve been here for almost two weeks and nothing really has happened. I don’t know what I was expecting but it seems that not much has been awaiting me while I’ve been off at PU.
The best thing by far about being home: definitely my friends. I missed Hoodie, Tree, and Tattoo so much while I was at school, but now that I’ve seen them, I’ve realized even more how much I love them. They’re just wonderful people, plain and simple, and no one that I’ve met all year understands me the way they do. Too bad Hoodie is leaving in two days for the entire summer. Lame. The group will be severely lacking without our fourth, but I’m excited for her. She’s flying across the country to have an adventure, and I admire her so much for it. Not knowing anyone or knowing anything about where you’re going is scary, and she’s handling it beautifully. Luckily, Tree and Tattoo will be around for the most part, and we’re trying to figure out a mini road-trip. Any suggestions?
The worst thing about being home: four people cramped into a tiny house. I love my family very much, but the house we moved into at the beginning of the year is simply not big enough for all of us. When my brother and I aren’t home full-time it’s fine, but the paper-thin walls and zero free spaces to hang out are starting to feel a little bit suffocating.
Actually…scratch that.
The worst part about being home: seeing people that you just don’t really want to see. They are unavoidable. You know, those people from your past who you didn’t really mind saying goodbye to when you left. They pop up everywhere…and the encounters are always awkward. I hate being asked the same 5 questions several times a day and having to pose the same 5 questions to others:
1. How was your year?
2. Do you like school?
3. What are you studying?
4. Are you happy to be home?
5. What are you doing this summer?
I’m going crazy.
Back home for a month, (5)
Feels like an eternity. (7)
Thank god for my friends. (5)
Music: Sufjan Stevens- “To Be Alone With You”
I don’t really know what to do with myself right now. I know Kait said that I owe you all multiple, in-depth posts updating you all on what’s been happening with me, and I absolutely agree, but I just don’t know that I can form the thoughts right now. Honestly, I’m just sort of lost.
I’m sitting in my bed at home because I am officially done with my freshman year. These last 9 months have flown by impossibly fast and I don’t want to think about the fact that a quarter of my time in college is finished. Loading up my car today (in the pouring rain, no less) was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep from this week of finals, or the exhaustion from packing up every single possession I accumulated this year, but I was a mess all day. I could not stop crying on the way home and, frankly, it’s going to be a while before I feel completely okay. Every goodbye got harder and there were some people that, even now, just thinking about not seeing them for the next three months makes me upset. I’ve been realizing lately, and especially today, in spite of the issues I was dealing with at the beginning of the year and all the thoughts of potentially transferring, I had an amazing year. I cannot express enough love for the friends I have made—they are simply amazing human beings. They are my family, truly. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced happiness like I’ve recently achieved, and I’m just so afraid that it’s going to slip away.
I can’t keep going right now because it’s too hard. This whole day was just heartbreaking. I think that’s the only word for it.
But I guess now is as good a time as ever to address the question that’s been posed to us all year about how to return home. The answer: I don’t know. I was just starting to understand what home means.
Even though I have a huge final exam in barely more than 24 hours (my last one!), I’m about to take an hour-long train ride with my friends (and a bottle of vodka) to see the sunrise where we will be completely alone.
Life is good.
P.S. That’s right– I’m back, bitches!