The Freshman Experiment

The weekend included two college auditions, my very last one being today.

Yesterday was kind of a dud, which was to be expected. Things just weren’t in my favor on Saturday: I was running on 2 hours sleep, the audition was at 9 am, and I was literally the FIRST person to perform. There was nothing wrong with what I did, it was just completely mediocre. I’m about 99% sure that I won’t get in there (I’m not being self-deprecating, I’m just being realistic about my performance), but for some reason, I wasn’t upset at all. It was so confusing: I felt like I should cry, but I just didn’t feel the need to.  Which is a very good thing, I think.

Today, however, was wonderful. I think everything finally came together, and in the most unexpected way. It was my final audition and I arrived at the college this afternoon with no anxiety at all. It wasn’t a school that I particularly wanted to go to, and after all the nerves and work over auditions, I was just ready to be done with it all. But during the info session that the faculty held before the auditions, I realized that out of all the schools I was looking at, this was the perfect fit. It’s an intense conservatory training program, but it’s within a liberal arts college, so I would still get a B.A. They have concentrations in one aspect of theatre, but students are able (and encouraged) to take classes in other concentrations, so I could still playwright and direct. They do about 20 shows a year, which you can start auditioning for as a freshman. And it’s only about 15 mins from PU, so I wouldn’t have to lose my friends. Around the time of this realization, I started getting very nervous. It became very clear that I needed to rock this audition because this school might be the one.

After an unbearable amount of waiting, I went into the audition room where I performed for three faculty members. They absolutely loved my comedic piece and worked with me extensively on my classical monologue, and they seemed to be very impressed with adjustments I made as they gave me direction. Then they sent me into a second room to perform for three other faculty members. While this is one of those audition mysteries that you can never really understand, being sent to a second room is usually a good thing, especially if they are not doing it for everyone. So I performed again and the new teachers asked me some questions about PU and why I wanted to transfer and then I was done. Bear in mind though, the whole process was a nerve-wracking hour of waiting and performing and working.  I took a tour of the campus and the dorms are amazing. The only downside: transfers have to wait until August before they hear about acceptance. There’s no way I can wait that long– I’m already going crazy.

I would just like to share with you all the moral of this story: sometimes when it seems that all your options have been expended, the perfect opportunity arises. A nice little hopeful thought to start off the week. Now we just have to see if it works out. If it doesn’t, they were still really great to work with and I feel like my monologues are much stronger than the were before the audition, which is great.

But, seriously, AUGUST??

An interesting, (5)
Hidden possibility. (7)
Could be exciting. (5)

Dear readers-

I would just like to sincerely apologize for being out of contact for a week. I know you all missed me. I missed you, too.

Basically, the first week of school was extremely hectic. It involved running to many classes (some of which I will be continuing, some of which I have dropped), auditioning for theatre courses, and prepping for/completing another college audition.

This past Saturday was the big one. It was the one that I knew I had absolutely no chance of getting in to, but still really, really, really wanted. So I went, this time without my mother. When I first got there, I was greeted by a close friend who is a freshman at the school and who was checking people in. Even though we couldn’t talk as much as we would have liked (since he was technically “working”), it was so nice to know I had someone there who cared about me and who was really rooting for me to do well. Before the individual auditions began, all of the auditionees (maybe 60?) took part in a group warm-up led by two of the instructors. This is the only school I’m auditioning for that does this and, honestly, it was wonderful. It took so much tension away and really helped me get focused before I went into the room. This audition was much quicker than the last, or maybe just felt much quicker, since I was so excited. It was soon my turn to go into the room. There were three people inside sitting behind a desk; one of which, I was surprised to discover, was a PU theatre professor who had seen me audition earlier last week for theatre classes (PU shares several faculty members with this school). She remembered me and was very friendly, and the other two men in the room were nice as well. For this audition, there was no singing, so I did my two monologues and left the room. As I waited in the hall for directions about where to go next, I was told to reenter the audition room—they wanted to see more from me. The other students who were waiting to perform seemed to pity me: they couldn’t believe that I had to endure the torturous nerves of the auditioners again. I, on the other hand, couldn’t have been happier that I was getting another chance to show them more. When I reentered the room, they complimented my sense of humor and asked me if I could do my comedic monologue again, this time “making it more personal.” It was such a vague direction but that made it so fun to do! I completely reversed what I had previously done and did it very seriously, and I think they liked it. All in all, I think it was a strong audition… unfortunately, I already know I’m not getting into the school. They hold the first of two callbacks on that same day, and I was not on the list of 4 people who were asked to stay. I was surprised, because I could tell that they really enjoyed the work I did and I think I may have been the only auditionee that was called back into the room. Even though I was really disappointed at first, I still feel really good about the whole process, and I planned a meeting with the PU professor tomorrow to talk about things I can work on. We exchanged emails and she was extremely complimentary and excited to meet with me in person. I think maybe I just wasn’t ready for this particular school, but it might be a really good match for me in the future. All I know is, I’ll definitely be back there in four years for grad school auditions, and I’m looking forward to a similarly fun time.

…Speaking of auditions…

Tonight was the first of three nights for students to try out for the musical I’m directing. Not very many people came tonight (which was to be expected—hardly anyone comes on the first day), but the people we saw were all very good, so I’m excited. Hopefully, there will be a bigger turn out tomorrow and Wednesday, because I’d love to see the competition get really fierce. I’ll let you know how it goes.

So that was the story of my second audition and first rejection. However, do not fret, readers. I’m still feeling pretty good about the whole thing (although there definitely were some tears when I got home). I promise, a week will never again go by without so much as a word from your dear friend, Posterchild.

Second audition, (5)
Somehow the best and the worst. (7)
But life is still good. (5)

Music: Michael Cera & Ellen Page– “Anyone Else But You”

And now to a story I’d like to call: “The First Audition.”

Early Friday morning, my mother and I drove to a location that will remain secret so that I could audition for a school whose name shall remain secret (gotta keep the confidentiality, people). The first stretch of the car ride was peaceful: I took a little nap (a good idea on my part, considering I slept 3 hours the night before), drank some coffee, had a bagel, etc. The second half, however, was full of PANIC. I started obsessively going over my monologues in my head, and I listened to my chosen songs on repeat (in retrospect, this must have been really fun for my mom). In what felt (unfortunately) like no time at all, we pulled into the parking lot. After nervously gathering all my things, we finally entered the building where the audition was taking place and made are way through a sea of various auditioners to the college-age boy who was signing people in. I then stood in line with several other girls as we waited for the only bathroom stall so that we could change into our dance attire. We made polite chit-chat, knowing all the while that each girl was sizing the others up, trying to guess who her biggest competition would be. I came out and attended a brief info session about the school, trying to manage all the forms that they gave me to fill out. It was more difficult than you would imagine, because my hands were shaking so hard that I could barely write my name.

I was in a group of about 9 kids who participated in the dance section of the audition first. It was run by this pretty intimidating man and his small (but frighteningly muscular) Hispanic dance captain– this kid had stamina like you would not believe. The dance was difficult but I was getting most of it as he was teaching. Later on, however, when he split us into groups of 3 to perform it, I completely blanked. He was watching us as we learned it, though, so there’s still some hope that I didn’t come of as a complete imbecile.

After finishing up this section, changing back into my nice clothes, and reapplying deodorant about 12 times, I waited for a looooong time to sing my songs. The “best” part about waiting for auditions is that you inevitably chug about 5 bottles of water, and then have to go to the bathroom just as many, if not more, times. When it was finally my turn, I went into the room, gave the pianist my music, and sang my two songs. Then they said thank you and sent me back out into the waiting room. As nice as it was to be finished with this section so quickly, it worried me a bit. It seemed like other people were in there for so much longer, singing their songs multiple times, singing even more things than me. Even now, as I analyze every second of the audition, this part seems like a bad sign, but you never really know for sure.

After waiting another very looooong time, I was sent into a third and final room where a man watched my monologue. He seemed to like it and laughed (don’t worry, he was supposed to), and even better, he seemed to like me, noting that there was something “very interesting about me” and remarking how “clever” I was. Then, however, he continued with a speech that I’m still confused about. He told me that I was a character actress—that’s what I was and he wanted to be sure I knew that. He went on andon  about how that’s what the industry will see me as and it’s important for me to be realistic about these things. I was agreeing with him mostly, although I did try to say that I don’t like to “categorize myself as one type of actor.” There was only one thing I wanted to know when he was saying all this, and I felt like shouting it at the top of my lungs: is this a good thing or a bad thing?? Every time I reflect on the audition, I come up with a different answer. Was he trying to tell me that my position as a “character actress” would help or hurt my chances of getting into the school? Was he viewing this as a positive or negative thing to be? Was he just trying to tell me that I’m weird looking (because sometimes that’s what people mean when they say that)? The worst part about auditions—I’ll never know.

Immediately after this happened, I was very upset. I didn’t show it until we were far away from the building, waiting to pick up our car, but after I while, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just started to sob about how I won’t be accepted and how awful I was and how harsh that teacher was. Meanwhile, my mom stood awkwardly as ten different workers tried to find our car; luckily, this only took about 20 minutes, so a whole slew of people got to see me standing in the cold, in the middle of the parking lot, weeping uncontrollably. Awesome!

Now that a few days have passed, I don’t feel so bad about the audition. I certainly don’t feel like did that night: positive that I won’t get in to this school. It’s completely up in the air and I have no idea what the outcome will be, but at least I’m feeling proud of the work I did. Plus, I called my friend who goes to that particular conservatory and he said that the man who watched my monologue is one of the scariest, harshest teachers they have. Most of all, I’m just glad that the first audition is over with, because I had no idea what to expect (and that was the scariest thing of all). Now, I’m just trying to put it out of my mind until April and keep my hopes up for the next one, which happens in a few weeks. One down, three to go. Keep your fingers crossed.

P.S. For any performers out there, I’m currently in that crazy stage that happens after the audition: you lie in bed a night and pick apart every tiny thing that happened, every look they gave you, every time someone said hello. It’s super nerve-wracking but, in the weirdest way, it’s sort of fun.

First audition done, (5)
And an adventure it was. (7)
But will it end well? (5)

Just a quick little note of happiness. 3/5 of my college applications are done! WOOT! Especially good considering two of those three were due today. Now I just have to start working on finding monologues and songs and preparing for the auditions, since in reality, auditions are about 98% of how they accept people into conservatories. But it feels good to be done…or at least done for now.

Just when you thought it was finally over… more auditions! The ones tonight (which I swear will be the last this semester) were for one-acts written by students and, from what I read at the audition, some of the material is pretty good. I’m nervous because I walked into the room to do my monologue and saw that all of the faces watching me looked very familiar. There is a very small pool of people who dominate the theatre scene at PU. Not the production staff of “Musical!”, but another group. I feel like I’ve already auditioned for these few people five times and I’ve been rejected just as many. I don’t know if it’s because they have an image of me in their heads from the very first time they saw me perform, or if they just don’t like me. I have a feeling that it has at least a little to do with the latter, since many of these people are involved with the other major musical on campus right now…the one I turned down a part in so that I could do “Musical!”. I have a feeling not everyone appreciated that decision and it’s going to haunt me slightly. But I did my best, so if they don’t take me, they’re just stupid pirate wenches (see, I’m trying to think positively).

Can’t seem to escape (5)
These scary older kids, but (7)
My fingers are crossed. (5)