The Freshman Experiment

I’m going to be honest with you, folks. Home is… boring. I’ve been here for almost two weeks and nothing really has happened. I don’t know what I was expecting but it seems that not much has been awaiting me while I’ve been off at PU.

The best thing by far about being home: definitely my friends. I missed Hoodie, Tree, and Tattoo so much while I was at school, but now that I’ve seen them, I’ve realized even more how much I love them. They’re just wonderful people, plain and simple, and no one that I’ve met all year understands me the way they do. Too bad Hoodie is leaving in two days for the entire summer. Lame. The group will be severely lacking without our fourth, but I’m excited for her. She’s flying across the country to have an adventure, and I admire her so much for it. Not knowing anyone or knowing anything about where you’re going is scary, and she’s handling it beautifully. Luckily, Tree and Tattoo will be around for the most part, and we’re trying to figure out a mini road-trip. Any suggestions?

The worst thing about being home: four people cramped into a tiny house. I love my family very much, but the house we moved into at the beginning of the year is simply not big enough for all of us. When my brother and I aren’t home full-time it’s fine, but the paper-thin walls and zero free spaces to hang out are starting to feel a little bit suffocating.

Actually…scratch that.

The worst part about being home: seeing people that you just don’t really want to see. They are unavoidable. You know, those people from your past who you didn’t really mind saying goodbye to when you left. They pop up everywhere…and the encounters are always awkward. I hate being asked the same 5 questions several times a day and having to pose the same 5 questions to others:

1.    How was your year?
2.    Do you like school?
3.    What are you studying?
4.    Are you happy to be home?
5.    What are you doing this summer?

I’m going crazy.

Back home for a month, (5)
Feels like an eternity. (7)
Thank god for my friends. (5)

Music: Snow Patrol - Run

The Jock woke up last week with her eye crusted shut. Two hours later she was diagnosed with pink eye and I’ve been tip-toeing around her ever since even though she swears that it’s the viral kind and isn’t that contagious. Well, this morning The Activist came into the suite and started complaining about a cough then she looked away and I saw that her eyes were blood red.

“Vist, do you have pink eye?” I asked and she groaned and nodded. So now I’m defriending both of them for a week and praying that I don’t get it. Jock said that you can have pink eye for six days before exhibiting any signs of it, which means I could possibly have it and not even know it. With my luck it’ll probably show up on the first day of spring break, and in that case I’ll be damning them both to Hell over iChat.

I guess I’ll just have to hang out with Wishy for awhile since everyone’s sick and TK’s been seeing a guy for a couple weeks now (I really want to go into it but I also don’t want to jinx anything so I’ll be hush-hush). When I wrote that entry a few days ago about being upset I went up to Wishy’s room because he’s the only one who can handle me crying. Plus, he was the only one awake at 2:45 in the morning. I ended up staying the night just sleeping but I unintentionally started something. He was flirting with me all last week, making me uncomfortable and confused. Finally I called him out on it and he went off on how much he likes me but he’s unsure about what he wants.

In short, there’s another girl at home who he’s been kind of vague about. He can’t talk to me about her because, as he says, “You are part of the problem, Christine!”

The fact that there’s a girl at home who he may be interested in doesn’t bother me. What pisses me off is that he thinks he’s allowed to change from being a friend to playing with my hair all in a couple of days. Yes, I fell asleep in his bed, but it was after I cried my eyes out over missing home while saying over and over that I needed a friend at that moment. I made it very clear that all I was hoping for was a hug not to re-initiate anything.

Anyway, after I asked him about the flirting he flipped things around and made me feel stupid for being nervous about it, like I was looking too much into things.

I absolutely hate when he does things like this. I don’t get him at all but I miss our friendship, and I admit that I’m willing to overlook things in order to have it again. He can make me so angry sometimes but then when we’re sitting in his room just messing on his computer it’s great. He can be great.

What an asshole.

Music: Lennon - Brake on Your Car

While I’m having an awesome time at LAC right now, my friend Spaz isn’t enjoying college or her friends. She called me last night at 4 a.m. crying but I missed it.Even though I entered into the group of friends rather late I’ve turned into the Mother Hen.

I mentioned coming up to visit her a month ago and I think the time’s right. I want to get there on Valentine’s Day aka Single Awareness Day so I can take her out to dinner and she can rant to me about the shittiness that’s dominating her life. I don’t want to leave campus but I’m needed and I hate it when my friends are upset. If a two hour bus ride on my part can make her happy then I’ll do it.

I can’t lie. I really did not want to leave my house today. It was so nice to take a break from crappy day-to-day life and just sit down for a while. This weekend, I did things I haven’t done in months: watched TV, listened to music, READ A BOOK! I remembered what relaxing was and now I really want more of it. These last few days brought me back to the summer, where days were entirely made of (working), lounging, and reading (mostly the Harry Potter series several times). The nights consisted either of doing anything/everything with my friends or watching movies with my parents. I know this sounds really silly, but things were just so much easier then. I miss being able to do what I want and, honestly, spending time at home just made me realize even more how I don’t really like it at PU. Even though I went to bed late, I got up everyday this weekend around 8am, because there were things that I actually wanted to do, even if it was doing nothing. I just wish I wanted to get up to go to my classes in the same way. I think I’ve just reached a point where I need the semester to be over. As soon as I finished my midterms, I was mentally done with my courses, contributing even more to my lack of excitement about them.

But, less about dumb PU, more about home. As was expected, it was wonderful to see Tattoo, Hoodie, and Tree. We went to a social gathering on Friday night that was full of “those people”—you know, the ones who you feel okay about never seeing again after graduation. But it was worth it to see the people I really did miss. I felt pretty normal in the new house, which is great, although I wasn’t quite sure yet how to give anyone directions in or out of the neighborhood. Most of all, I really just enjoyed spending this time with my family. Even though I talk to my mom often, it just isn’t the same as actually being with her. I joked in the car as she drove me to the train station that she could just drive me all the way back to school (it’s only about two hours there), but I don’t think she realized that I was sort of serious. I didn’t want to say goodbye so early. But I did say goodbye, and after a cramped train ride and journey that involved me hauling back at least twice as much as I brought home, I arrived at my dorm. Time to get back to work, I suppose. I’m already counting down the days, though. Only about a month until I get to go home again. Can’t wait.

P.S. A funny anecdote to finish off this post. You know how some cars have TV’s? Well, as we were driving to the train station, I saw that the car next to us not only had one, but was using it to watch porn. No joke. I thought it was the funniest thing that’s happened in quite a while.

Thank God for the trip, (5)
If only it was longer. (7)
Oh, silly porn man. (5)

It was my alarm clock this morning that pulled me into reality. Even though I hadn’t heard that oh-so-familiar buzzing in several months, my body immediately recognized what it was. My arm shot straight out and found the tiny knob to shut it off in mere seconds, as though it was only yesterday that I was waking up for high school. I’m home and, naturally, it’s weird. Pulling into the driveway of my new house was like pulling up to a stranger’s—I didn’t recognize where we were going so I was surprised when my mom turned off the ignition. Surprisingly, I feel much more at home here than I expected to. It’s a little weird to wander around the kitchen or peek in the bathroom closet and not know where anything goes, but my bed squishes in familiar ways, so I feel okay.

This morning, before the “Epic Meal,” I went out to coffee with Hoodie and Tree. It was remarkable to see them. Hoodie loves her school, as we all predicted. Tree, although she seems to be doing really well, has a few more problems with college life. As much as it upsets me to know that she could be happier, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s not completely satisfied with her decisions. Our coffee was brief, so I’m excited to spend more time with them this weekend. Although there are lots of people who I’d like to see and reminisce with before I go back to PU on Sunday night, I have a feeling those reunions won’t be as natural as the ones with my best friends. It will be nice to see them and hear stories, but I’m sure there will be the tension caused by the mutual knowledge that we’re all just killing time until we return to “real life.”

Speaking of “real life,” I was actually sad to be leaving PU, if only for a long weekend. I didn’t really feel like saying goodbye to my friends, especially since I just regained free time to spend with them (now that Musical! has concluded). Don’t worry, I’m already working on the next show—I’m proposing to direct a musical next semester. I had a meeting with my production staff the night before I left and it went really well. Everyone was really excited about the project and seems eager to put in a lot of work. I’ll give you more details after we meet again and let you know if our show gets chosen for production (we should find out in early December). Of course, I miss Musical! a lot. Towards the end, it really came together and we had a great (and completely sold-out run). At first I was worried that I wouldn’t ever see my friends from the cast again, but I’ve already seen them several times in the days since the show ended. Plus, a bunch of them are on my staff for the upcoming show, so my fears have pretty much been assuaged.

I’m really looking forward to seeing my friends this weekend and getting a chance to relax with my family (and my dog—I’ve missed my dog!), but there’s also so much work to be done in the next few days. My first college applications are due December 1st, and I still have a lot of things to finish up and send out. Plus, NotMyDaddy is hopefully going to help me with statistics, which (if I can figure it all out) will take a lot of unneeded stress out of my life. So, excitement, WORK, and blog posts to come!

P.S. Did I mention the food for the “Epic Meal”? Actually the best thing ever. I will be eating pie and meat for weeks. And I’m so excited.

Home for the Bird Day, (5)
Friends and family abounding. (7)
Meat, meat, meat, meat, PIE. (5)