I’m going to be honest with you, folks. Home is… boring. I’ve been here for almost two weeks and nothing really has happened. I don’t know what I was expecting but it seems that not much has been awaiting me while I’ve been off at PU.
The best thing by far about being home: definitely my friends. I missed Hoodie, Tree, and Tattoo so much while I was at school, but now that I’ve seen them, I’ve realized even more how much I love them. They’re just wonderful people, plain and simple, and no one that I’ve met all year understands me the way they do. Too bad Hoodie is leaving in two days for the entire summer. Lame. The group will be severely lacking without our fourth, but I’m excited for her. She’s flying across the country to have an adventure, and I admire her so much for it. Not knowing anyone or knowing anything about where you’re going is scary, and she’s handling it beautifully. Luckily, Tree and Tattoo will be around for the most part, and we’re trying to figure out a mini road-trip. Any suggestions?
The worst thing about being home: four people cramped into a tiny house. I love my family very much, but the house we moved into at the beginning of the year is simply not big enough for all of us. When my brother and I aren’t home full-time it’s fine, but the paper-thin walls and zero free spaces to hang out are starting to feel a little bit suffocating.
Actually…scratch that.
The worst part about being home: seeing people that you just don’t really want to see. They are unavoidable. You know, those people from your past who you didn’t really mind saying goodbye to when you left. They pop up everywhere…and the encounters are always awkward. I hate being asked the same 5 questions several times a day and having to pose the same 5 questions to others:
1. How was your year?
2. Do you like school?
3. What are you studying?
4. Are you happy to be home?
5. What are you doing this summer?
I’m going crazy.
Back home for a month, (5)
Feels like an eternity. (7)
Thank god for my friends. (5)
Music: Nico- “These Days”
I love the train. It doesn’t matter what I’m going or how long it’s taking or who’s sitting next to me. Just give me a train… and preferably a window seat. As I sat on the ride home today, I switched on my ipod, watched the passing landscape, and started thinking.
Five years ago.
I guess this reflection started when I was thinking about this year and how quickly it’s going by. Soon enough, I’ll be done with ¼ of college, and I can’t help but wonder, did high school pass this quickly?
Five years ago, everything was completely different. Seriously. My parents were still together, which means neither of their significant others had entered my world. We were living in our old house, on our old street. I had started acting, but was nowhere as close to as serious about it as I am now; in fact, I was still in my athletic phase. I don’t even know who my group of friends was. I had never kissed a boy. I had yet to be diagnosed with depression. I was just a different person and I don’t know who it was, but it wasn’t me.
So here’s the question: five years from now, will things that seem so difficult now seem simple and easy in retrospect? As time continues to pass, will I become more myself, or will I become someone new again? Will life be completely different?
Things may not be perfect right now, and I may not be perfect, but I like who I am. I don’t want to lose this person completely. Because God knows I have no idea where that person from five years ago disappeared to.
TV: “The West Wing”– Season 2
As you may have guessed by the ingenious title of this blog, I decided to come home for the weekend. There was no particular reason, I just sort of missed my family and wanted a little break from PU. I’m going back late tomorrow afternoon, so it’s quite a short hiatus. It’s been nice thus far, though.
Tonight I finally saw Atonement. I’ve been trying to find the time for a while so I was very excited. I don’t really know how to describe it other than AMAZING. It was just beautiful, and moving, and intriguing. It was basically everything a great movie should be. Up until now, I had completely been rooting for “Juno” to win the best picture Oscar, but now I just don’t know. But please go see it if you get the time… or make the time because it’s that good. (But also see “Juno,” because I saw it three times and still am not sick of it, and that’s got to mean something).
So that’s basically it for now, just trying to enjoy a relaxing weekend at home after a few stressful weeks. It is good to be home, though, even if it’s only for a few hours.
Music: Regina Spektor - Real Love
I pulled my luggage into a house that is exactly how I’d left it - dirty and empty with a silence that gently hummed in my ears. There was no one to greet me so I ran up the stairs calling out the names of my siblings and mothers. More silence and peeling wallpaper.
And this is how I wanted to return home. My barefeet sliding along the wood floors as my cat criss crosses her way through my legs. To sit on my bed and wrap myself up in the thin blanket that could barely warm me during the winter months. Slowly, I came back into a place that I hadn’t truly thought about until I was five minutes away.
Eventually my brothers and sisters came filtering in and our home had a pulse again. Then Mamajay came and I ran to her before she had time to open the door.
I had a three minute fight with my brother today. It feels great to be here.