Truthfully.
Music: Cat Power – The Greatest
1. Some days I will put you, Lightblue, in the most obvious places: as a bookmark, in the fold of my sock, or the right pocket of my favorite jeans. It’s the crumpled yearbook photo that I found on our living room floor a year ago. It was taken two months before your face was framed by hospital sheets. I hide you so loosely that with every move there’s the threat and the hope you will flutter out of these places. And you do sometimes. You stare up at me from the rain puddle or the front steps of the student center, and I will bend down and I will pick you up and I will remember you all day, all day.
2. I do this thing where I open my window and lean out into the night, the darkness covering the scars on my dangling legs. Then I will think about TK and how he “gets me” and has changed me. I will think about my tiny dorm room that has turned into a home. I will think about the lighted house miles in front of me, sandwiched between the shedding trees, wondering who lives there. Then I’ll smile and marvel at the fact that I am not lonely here in these woods.
3. Mr. NG, you have twenty-three freckles on your left arm. You turn seven times in the night – I know because you wake me every time. You kiss my bottom lip. You leave me alone when I need it, and you know when to stay. I’ve lost my battle with reason and caution. I slip into your bed and let you cover me with warmth. And last night when I looked up at you in your sweatpants and t-shirt, when I grabbed your face and asked “Why are you so nice?” I wanted to say something more meaningful. Not “I love you” because I don’t but I think I wanted to say that I could.