The Freshman Experiment

Music: Paramore - Misery Business

THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING ME:

1. Ms. TMI is determined to learn every single verse from Paramore’s song Misery Business, so she’s been playing it on repeat for the last forty-five minutes.

2. Someone threw up in the girls’ sink last night, and then someone else wrote COLLEGE underneath it in eyeliner.

3. My Denisemates and I are playing Assassin with our $10 Nerf guns. I’ve been living in a state of fear and panic every since the game began at 12 last night. Also, my target never leaves the TV room which has been designated the safe zone. He just sits there picking at his teeth and complains if we’re watching anything other than football. He’s from the south.

4. Wishy.

5. I’m not going home for the tiny break we have before spring semester. Instead I’m going back to the city and staying with a good guy friend of mine. Should be fun but I will miss home and I won’t be back until spring break in March. :/

6. Emile Hirsch not being nominated for an Oscar. Lame. Lame. Lame.

Music: Broken Social Scene - Lover’s Spit

I went with my gut instinct and broke things off with Wishy tonight. It was an impulsive decision so I was afraid that after I hung up the phone I’d immediately regret what I said, but all I feel is relief. Our “relationship” was reduced to the physical aspect and that’s it. Sometimes I’d leave his room feeling like a booty call instead of the girl he claimed he really liked and respected. Surprisingly he seemed hesitant to agree with anything I was saying, leaving me to again accuse him of his actions being so contradictory to his words. (He says he likes me but then he won’t make any effort to see me.)

Whether or not I’m ready for a relationship is still up in the air but I’m certain that Wishy is not the person I’d want to test my feelings on. I think after a day or two he’ll understand that things weren’t going smoothly and operating in the Gray Area wasn’t healthy for either of us. The only thing I do feel guilty about is that I won’t want to be his friend for awhile because after our minor break up in the beginning of winter session he insisted that we should continue hanging out platonically. He said I was his closest friend here and I believe that. I have never seen him quit the goofball act in front of anyone else but me and he always mentioned how his “friends” at LAC barely know anything about him. I don’t want him to lose that but at the same time I want to put myself first.

We did have fun together and he made me realize that I’m no longer afraid of opening up to another person. Now if that Mr. Someone would come along I’d be set.

Music: Natasha Bedingfield - I Wanna Have Your Babies

So the PROs win by one but compiling this list made me less certain about how I feel than ever before. Wishy’s friends from home are coming up this weekend and I’m going into the city with TK and a few other people. I think it’ll be good to get away from each other and see if we should keep going with this “Thing.” I also have no desire to meet his friends at all which, I think, says a lot.

I want write a song called WISHY OR NOT inspired by the last two posts of CC. I want it to be, like, bubble gum pop, I think. Not because CC is bubble gum pop - quite on the contrary, though she can occasionally be giggly. Rather, bubble gum pop is the perfect genre for a song with the hook WISHY OR NOT.

CC: Write me a list of pros and cons? Can you manage that amid the pot, alcohol, and soaking your old tired feet? / Heels??? In January??? You crazy.

Music: Collective Soul - Run

Mr.NG newly christened Wishy-Washy

Two days into winter session he called me to come over and I sat on his bed, messing up his folded clothes while he told me:

“Christine, I feel like we’re progressing towards a serious, committed relationship. The crazy thing is that I want that to happen but I also think I should be alone. If we’re together for a long time we’ll eventually break-up and then we’ll both have to nurse broken hearts and it’ll just suck. I think we’d have an awesome time together — it’d be great! I can’t see you anymore though.”

I gave him my biggest What the fuck are you talking about? face and went to my room. The last time I cried over a boy was a year ago when The Ex didn’t send a stampede over just my heart but my entire body. When we had broken up I had gotten physically ill. Wishy’s half-assed break up didn’t warrant the same dramatic response but I did cry a little into my pillow. The following days I talked TK’s ear off about the situation. Whenever I shut the fuck up about it for more than a minute he filled the silence with unwavering support for me and I realized that if I had TK I didn’t really need WW. Before he had ever come, before he had ran down my hallway, caught me on my way to the bathroom and kissed me I had been living well without a boy. My friends here have made me smile and love who I am; and if I’m missing a warm body, well, I can just snuggle up with one of the Denise Girls.

In just four days I had recovered and was ready to be out of the Gray Area that Wishy and I were trying to function in. Then in true romantic comedy fashion I opened my door one night and he was standing there, leaning against the wall with his dirty blonde hair tickling his eyelashes. I crossed my arms while he told me:

“All those uncertain feelings are still here, Christine, but you outweigh all of that. You’re amazing, you’re beautiful. You make me feel amazing. I don’t care what happens; in fact, I wish for all those things to happen.”

He then kissed me without really kissing me because my lips did nothing. I told him I had to think and that’s where things are. Part of me wants to drag him along and then another wants to run upstairs to his bed and finish counting his freckles. I’m a big believer in simplicity. I like him, he likes me, and so we should spend as much time as we can with each other. But he went and mucked things up and now…I just don’t know.

TK
If I could write TK’s Match.com profile it would be something like this.

Will make you smile even when you don’t feel like it, especially when you don’t feel like it. Doesn’t mind telling you if your shirt doesn’t match those jeans but will then wait fifteen minutes while you try on every single top in your closet. Dances to all types of music, including bad rap but his iPod is the only one that can be played at a party. He will let you sleep in his bed if the heat doesn’t work in your room; will stop talking to his mom or sister to give you a hug. Bring a box of Quaker Oats oatmeal to get to his heart. Tends to fall for the closet gays or boys who scream GAY GAY GAY but won’t admit to it themselves. So you must have all ready accepted the fact that men are your preference before courting my dear, old TK. DISCLAIMER: While I’m only 5′2 I will seriously maim you if you hurt him.

Wishy’s indecisiveness has momentarily steered me away from my one mission which is Operation Get TK Laid. At a party he will scout out the potentials and I will either approve or disapprove. Man, we’re creepy.

Christine

I’ve decided to get training for the Sexual Assault and Rape Hotline (SARH) at LAC. Training sessions are intense - twice a week for two hours. I’ve also volunteered at the local homeless shelter and I’ve decided to work with the children. On Saturday I have seven hours of training to go through (!!!) but I’m excited. I’m finally filling up my schedule, so hopefully you readers won’t think I’m a lazy ass who sits around and complains about boys all day.